It’s funny how the human mind tries to justify and re-frame situations. I remember one of my earliest thoughts when I first experienced Dan’s challenging behaviour (later diagnosed as Aspergers/ADHD/General Anxiety) was
“Dan is affecting the whole family with his unreasonable and selfish behaviour. He needs to change. I am responsible for instigating this change.”
On reflection I now realise that this was not fair on either myself or Dan, however, it was the predominant feeling and it originated from a place of not knowing that Dan experienced life differently.
What I have learned from this is that it is often not fair and can be very inaccuarate to expect anybody’s reality to match the reality of others as we are all starting from different viewpoints and perspectives.
Indeed, I understand now that sensory experience differs for everybody. For example it has been established that males and females perceive colours differently. I think I’m right in saying that it reported that the colour orange is more “orangey” for women than for men. This helped to explain the numerous discussions we had about our kitchen paint being too “orangey” when to me it looked just fine. Needless to say, it was me that had to re-decorate to a less “orangey” shade. Click Here To See The Report.
I am pleased to say that as I now know the reasons behind Dan’s behaviour, I no longer blame him and work towards changing his inappropriate behaviour through dialogue and understanding.